Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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