Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
