Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
