if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
