I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize