Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
