Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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