and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
