Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
