so explain again why im purple
no
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
