she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize