I think my fart just growled at me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
