im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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