Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
