How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
