I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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