3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
