guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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