Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
