Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
