Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
