I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
