I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize