if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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