ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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