Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
