I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
