just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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