So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
