My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
