just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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