This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God, I missed his penis.
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