ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
