Whod you bang
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize