I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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