im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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