Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
