I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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