If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
