I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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