you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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