Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
