haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
