I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
