so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
