thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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