On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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