he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
