Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize