Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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