like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize