Umm I'm too high to move.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
