Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize