Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
