Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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