Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
