There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
