You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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