Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
