White coat. Heels.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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