i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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