so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
