hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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