I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
