somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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